We Stand On Guard For Thee

This is a story I wrote for the paper. It's in regard to Chinese only signs that have started to show up on our streets.
Where I grew up and live 57% of the city is now Asian. I'm a visible minority in the suburbs of Vancouver BC. It's a beautiful city. I'm in no way complaining, just playfully cautioning.


We Stand On Guard For Thee


"Oh Canada we stand on guard FOR THE E E E E."
"What in the name of Saskatoon Saskatchewan is going on out there!" bellows my now awake wife.
"I'm singing 'Oh Canada' cause I'm writing a story to the paper"
"Not again! Not another over the top piece of fluff of your troubled life"
"No, I'm writing about the language issue on billboards." I defend.
"That's worse! You wrote something about that last year. What are you some kind of language bigot?" she questions as she walks past me to the bathroom.
"Yes I wrote a piece of fluff, as you call it, already on it but I started thinking..."
"Okay good....started thinking. First for everything."
"No I was thinking that when we sing 'Oh Canada' we sing 'We stand on guard for thee' three times. It's the most used phrase in that song. As a Canadian I stand up when the anthem starts, and with puffed chest, hand on heart, other hand holding food or beverage from the concession stand, proclaim to stand guard for Canada. I am guarding Canada for my kids and their kids kids."
"Wow Spiderman you really got your work cut out for you." says the bathroom door.
"And if I stand up to guard, to look out for problems or question, as a guard would, I wind up being some weirdo on the TV."
"And newspaper!"
"There is something about an all foreign sign in Canada that sets my teeth ajar."
"Why's that Spiderman? You probably never have or never will shop in that store. It's a product they figure you're not interested in cause if you were it would only be hurting their business by not including the English. And it's probably something you can't do in sweatpants."
"Well I'd like to think that I'm standing on guard for Canada, it's something we all attest to do when we proudly sing our national anthem. And a sign with no English or French language in Canada.......well it just taste funny. Something's not right here."
"Come in here and look in the mirror and I'll show you what's not right."
"Humour me here," I start with raised finger, "Let's say I'm the kind of guy that takes our National Anthem to heart. I live in a quiet Canadian city that's prospering with foreign businesses and workers. Now lets say one day a sign pops up, selling, let's say toothpaste. It's a brand I recognize and have bought for years, but the sign is all in a foreign language."
"And you, Barney Fife, believe that this toothpaste is sending out some secret message to the foreign community threatening the Constitution of Canada and you've got to run and tell Andy." adds the wife as she waves her cavity fighting toothpaste in front of my face.
"Remember I'm a guard here! I doing work for your kids and grandkids. It may sound trivial to you but not to Sitting Bull."
"This isn't the first time you've brought up bull."
"Remember the people that use to live around these parts? Well not these parts, but you know what happened to them. The white man came in with their fancy English signs and flashing lights and the next thing you know...no Sitting Bull or his people."
"Oh my goodness! You're comparing a foreign language sign on a bus stop to the white man coming to America with his foreign customs and language that resulted in the destruction of the Indian tribes of North America? And now you think this is what's happening here?" (I think that's what she said. She had her toothbrush in her mouth using the alleged constitutional threatening paste)
"We'll you might be overstating it a bit here. But I bet if they could turn back the clock there would of been a lot less all English signs around. It would of been a lot more inclusive of their language and understanding. Including them in everything even if it didn't apply to their wants or needs. As the Lone Ranger, said to Tonto and I to my neighbour, he to the advancing war party, me to the influx of all foreign signs; 'Look how many they're are! We've got a big fight ahead! And as Tonto placed his hand on the Lone Rangers shoulder and my neighbour placing his hand on the same location of my body both look out to the setting sun and say.."What do you me WE white man? "

Bob Niles






bobby did this