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Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Fwd: Weight loss art


Fwd: I Tried Everything to Lose Five Pounds

> I Tried Everything to Lose Five Pounds
> and then
> I Lost Two-Hundred and Ten Pounds on the Greyhound System
> Every year about this time it's the same old thing with me and my belt. Do I buy a new one or is there enough leather in the old one to drill another hole? Another hole into a piece of leather so long that by the time I have one end into the second belt loop of my pants, the buckle and twelve inches of premium cowhide are still snaking their way across the floor.
> Why even wear a belt? Why not just let my ever expanding belly run free? Let it bump into people! Let it rub up against total strangers on the bus! Make them feel as uncomfortable as I am. And besides, without a belt I could tie these shoes (if there're the ones with the laces, I can't see from here) without the fear of passing out. Without a belt maybe my face won't turn that bright red waddling up them four stairs to the bakery. And, maybe I wouldn't sweat like a boxer in training when the weather gets warm enough to melt ice-cream.
> Or maybe I could lose weight?
> Been there done that, bought the XXXL tee-shirt.
> My Mother-in-Law figures it should be easy for a loser like me to loose weight. God bless her for believing in me but I've tried more times than a Mars Bar has calories. And, I've tried every method known to late night television. All the gadgets, pills, powders, pulleys and plastic power pumping weight reducing marvels of modern science that this one person can afford on easy monthly payment plans.
> It's that darned good looking tanned guy with more ruts in his belly than a farm dirt road after a rain storm, with his equally tanned good looking female counter part, that want to make me, a better me. All you have to do is lose weight and all your problems are solved, or so they would have you believe. And after you lose the weight your lighting is even better. Your before picture with all the extra baggage has that glaring bright light, all so flattering. Then once the weight magically disappears the lighting is warm and soft and makes your skin look like rippled toffee, that glistens and oozes health.
> That couple suck me in every time! And they're on every channel! Oh sure their face is different, but the well toned body is the same. They just change the head for each and every new gimmick that comes along. And gosh golly darn they all fit under the bed. Like this is the main selling point. "Well I wasn't going to buy the thirty-seven in one body toning, weight reducing, carbon fiber, life extending, job enhancing, the kids will thank you, wife will love you, three year easy payment exercise marvel, but hey it fits under the bed!" Every bed in my house has some sort of life changing equipment under it! Because, they gave me the idea to put it there! Every time I say my bedtime prayers I bang my knees! If they had of told me it fits easily in front of the car in the garage, it'd probably be there.
> Why? Because they use hypnosis to make us believe in their product. There can be no other reason. How else can you explain spending thirty dollars on forty-two cents of rubber tubing that you somehow magically think will be the answer to all of your problems. And then for some reason you want to stuff it under the bed.
> I even put my weight loss pills under the bed. Mostly for fear of embarrassment someone may find out I'm on them. Oh sure I'll leave the hemorrhoid cream in the medicine cabinet for all a visitor to see, but not my diet pills.
> This embarrassment I suffer from is due to the fact I've been scammed several times on my way to an easy healthier skinny me. Like the time I sent away fifty-two dollars to South Africa for an appetite suppressing pill that's made from crushed bushes that tribesmen have used for centuries to curb hunger. They didn't mention that that was all they had to eat. Just take thirty-two pills before any meal to reduce your caloric intake, the label read. And every time I did this, I did leave food behind on my plate. The total equivalent to the pile of thirty-two pills I'd eaten before dinner. Not only did it not work, it made my pooh smell funny.
> My Mother-in-Law, who never let anything slip by her without saying something, made sure she let me know she noticed 'The Smell'. And, that although she welcomed my efforts to lose the fat this change of smell in the house would probably affect her sensitive asthma condition.
> Next were the weight loss pills from Sweden. The ones that Border Customs gave me so much trouble on. Never wrap anything in plain brown paper coming from Sweden. Why? Because my Mother-in-Law now thinks of me as some kinda pervert!
> These pills I found out after a couple days were just laxatives, which I should of realized sooner because after the first day I couldn't leave the house. It got so bad I was dumping food I hadn't eaten yet! I was deathly afraid of sneezing in public, or private. If I had sneezed at work, (which they had phoned the house to see where I had been for the last week. I was there, just in the can) I would have to change jobs and move to a different city.
> In mid-January I signed up for a two year gym membership. By the end of January I was only going there to use the showers. All the hot water I wanted and no Mother-in-Law banging on the door to use the commode. Owners of the gym loved that I showered there, they said I was an inspiration for the others to work out harder, kind of an impersonal personal trainer.
> My next weight loss plan was a fail safe food system that would be delivered right to my door. Donny Osmonds little sister with that great big toothy grin, all looking slim and trim praising the weight reducing qualities of prepackaged food had me hooked. All my meals for a whole month delivered right to my house. Problem was in two weeks I had eaten what they sent me for the whole month. Now what? Wait two more weeks for food? I'll starve! Hey maybe that's how Marie lost all the weight? So what I did was sign my wife up, unbeknownst to her, and I ate that food as well. I now was eating two skinny peoples meals, and started to put on weight. I began to despise that Marie with her slim body standing beside her fat picture looking all happy and healthy, she's doing something more than just eating this crap.
> My Wife then told me about an article she had read about losing weight in one of her women's magazines. "Drink lots of water before you eat" she said "This will fill up your stomach and help reduce your food intake." Food intake? Why can't she just say eating? She thinks she's so much better than me because she's skinny. Skinny people are like that, they make fun of us gravity enriched people. She's getting just like that Marie!
> So I tried the water idea before each meal. I would drink three large glasses of water before I sat down to eat. Then half way through my hot meal I would have to take a bathroom break. To solve this I just took my dinner to the bathroom and eat while on the toilet. I really didn't mind, but I would leave the door open so I could hear the news on the TV. And, with only one bathroom in the house and my Mother-in-Law staying with us for an indefinite period of time, well it was bound to happen. She walked past the bathroom door and saw me sitting on the throne in all my glory. And her with her weak heart, and the cost of the ambulance, combine this with the medical costs at the hospital......well it was either close the door and become socially ignorant on news and views or try another plan of attack on the battle of the bulge.
> We switched battle plans.
> "Try eating from a smaller plate." my wife suggested across her mothers hospital bed, "I heard this will reduce the size of the portion intake."
> What's with you skinny people? Is eat a bad word?
> So now I'm eating from a plate that Is used to put under a teacup when company came over for scones. The rule my wife imposes is that I can put as much food as I want on the plate, but I can only have one plate. So I pile it high with as much food as I can. This plan for weight reduction finds me picking an awful lot of food from in, and around my swimsuit area every meal. I can't keep my food on this tiny plate, and I'm so hungry I don't want to lose a single morsel. I'm now chasing every calorie from my plate to my pants to the chair and on to the floor. I'm now giving the dog serious competition. It's my food! I want it! I need it! OOOH did the wife just drop something? Darn, Rex beat me to it!
> Which brings me to the best dietary system I've found so far, and quite by accident. Eating food from off the floor. Yes folks if you want to lose five, or ten pounds in just two days simply send me thirty-five dollars plus shipping and handling and I'll ship you a three day supply of my "Food Found on Floor." Now the beautiful tanned girl says "Guys do you want to lose that unsightly round gut? Do you want to have the body you've always dreamed of? And, without the sweat and pain of working out for hours every day." Then big fat me says, "Why just look at me, I use to look like this!" Camera changes to a picture of Marie Osmond....... Ooops how'd that get there. Camera now on a picture of me in a Speedo Swimsuit, and rubber boots cutting the lawn. "And now three days later look at the difference!" Soft lighting washes over me as I turn sideways and suck in my gut.
> Okay, okay this is all a dream, but losing five pounds wasn't. Five pounds! That's one-quarter of twenty pounds! I'm almost there! Just by eating food I found on the floor. So if you want to lose weight quickly, just do as I did, eat food off the floor and puke your way to a healthier, slimmer you.
> One quick note, make sure all the Swedish laxatives have cleared your system before you start eating off the floor. And for heavens sake remember to close the bathroom door! My Mother-in-Law thinks I'm on some sort of Super Model Diet. And I disgust her.
> Tomorrow I'm losing 210 lbs., I'm taking her to the bus station. I'm so excited about my extra weight loss, thanks to the Greyhound System.
> by Bob Niles

Monday, December 21, 2015

Jingles art

Created by my now 9 yr. old granddaughter Gabriella.

Old Jingles

Old Jingles

We all have that singing, dancing, repetitive, once amusing now annoying Christmas decoration. It caught our attention in the store and somehow, through the magic of marketing danced and sang its way into our shopping bag. And now every Christmas we have to live with it's annoying talents for a month.
For us, it's a dog wearing a toque with a big old bell on the end of it. You press it's paw and it starts to dance from side to side ringing that now annoying bell. Up and down back and forth he dances singing Jingle Bells and We Wish You a Merry Christmas. Over and over our grandkids, who watch the same cartoons 50 times, squeeze it's paw creating the repetitive Christmas carols that if I hear that stupid dog sing again I'll go crazy.
At first it was fun watching the first grandkid on her first Christmas react to the scary dancing dog. Her eyes would get wide and try to make out exactly what she was seeing. By her second Christmas she would laugh a bit and then turn to hug grandpa or grandma because it made her a bit unsure about her safety. And because grandpas and grandmas are 'hug junkies', we would do it over and over again.
By the third Christmas she would cautiously squeeze the spot on it's paw as if it were hot. She'd then jump back as it started to dance and sing and laugh her head off.
It was all fun when we only had one grandkid. But then the second granddaughter came along. And for her first Christmas old Jingles (the first granddaughter named him) went through two sets of double 'A' batteries. Our first Grandkid Gabriella, who is now four, played it over and over..... and did I mention OVER again!
Time and Christmases past and our oldest granddaughter is now eight. Two more grandkids have joined the fold. Twin boys, who are now three.
Recognizing a possible problem this Christmas I removed the batteries from Jingles, and lied. Yes lied. Lied to our own grandkids, that Jingles was broken. I know there must be a special extra hot spot in hell for grandparents who lie to their own grandkids. But, I couldn't take another year of Jingles throwing his head back and forth ringing that bell on the end of his toque singing at the top of his voice Jingle Bells and We Wish You a Merry Christmas!
This master hell bound plan of grandma's and mine lasted but for one Sunday visit. The next Sunday, the well schooled eight year old in battery toys reasoned that it probably needed new batteries.
"Ah,..Too bad grandpa doesn't have any more 'AA' batteries" I lied. AGAIN!. - Pour more coals on the fire.
"No worries" Gabriella sang, "I'll get them from another toy."
What! She can't do that can she? I didn't see that coming! I would of removed every battery in the house if I thought she'd grasped that knowledge. Or I would of kidnapped old Jingles and hid him under heavy boxes in the garage. Transplanting batteries! Now I could only hope for a 'AA' rejection between toys.
She went through all the battery toys like my wife at a BOGO shoe sale. Toys flying everywhere. Assessing battery size of each toy and if she could live without it till stingy old grandpa got around to buying new batteries. Gabriella and Charlotte (now five) both agreed that the 'Little People' castle would still play fine without its two 'AA' batteries.
My only hope was they would put them in old Jingles butt the wrong way. Mix up the positive and negative poles. That's when their dad, who hasn't done anything around here since he was 16, made the girls aware of the laws of polarity.
It was at this point I did something that I'm not proud of. Without thinking I said that if Gabriella got it working she could take it home with her.
I have now ruined my boy's Christmas from here on after, for all eternity with this singing blight of a decoration. -More coals on my fire.
But my problem is solved. No more Jingles!
So because of the fact my wife was now down one decoration she went out and bought this ever so cute snowman surrounded by kittens that do a squeaky sing song of Frosty the Snowman. The grandkids just love it!

Bob Niles

Monday, December 14, 2015

'Twas art

'Twas that day before Christmas

'Twas that day before Christmas

'Twas that day before Christmas
As I looked out my house,
"This rain's never ending!" or so said my spouse.

"Get outside, hang the lights round the chimney with care,
Get it done! Hurry up, before Nicholas gets there!"

The children are no help all sleeping in bed,
No visions of sugar plums, but iPads instead.

While Mama dictates I put on a cap
I slip on my boots and a coat with two snaps.

I opened the door and stepped in a puddle.
Then slipped on the lawn and now I see double.
My wife's in the window she doubles and laughs,
I staggered and tumbled, tripped over the trash.

My keys pierce my breast ,as I've fallen you know.
The wind how it blusters then swirls and blows.
My eyes start to water, some would say tear,
I've fallen on Rudolf and other reindeers.
I'm a little old mind you, but lively and quick,
I'm up in a moment all covered in sh...shtuff?

The poop from a beagle had made a large stain.
And I yelled and I shouted and called it bad names.
Dog- gone - it, dang- blasted that dog of the Nixon's!
Uncommon, dumb stupid, ah darn it I'm freezin'.
I hobble to the porch then lean against the wall,
Ah-choo-a, ah-choo-a, I sneeze, almost fall.

"Change to dry clothes! You'll catch a cold and die!"
My wife how she shouted. Her voice how it flys.
So into the house, off trousers and boots,
My coat with two snaps all covered in poop.

And then in a twinkling I knew what to do,
For hanging and dangling of lights from my roof.
I'd wear tightie whities that's all that I'd wear!
Outside on the ladder I just didn't care.

It's only tightie whities on my birthday suit,
As I climbed up the ladder midsts laughter and hoots.
'Twas the neighbor named Floyd who lives just out back.
"Hey Santa!" he said "Where's your clothes and you sack?"

My eyes they were stinging, the rain made them blurry.
My cheeks were like roses, my nose like a cherry.
My fingers were freezing, my toes were so cold.
As I worked from the ladder, hang lights, as I'm told.

The ring of a hook I held tight in my teeth.
My hands worked the cord the lights and the wreath.
I hold tight to the ladder with my face and my belly.
The ladder it shakes! It's my wife and she's yelling.

"Hey chubby! Two lights, both match, you need help?"
And I laughed as yelled "A go #%*%#€ yourself!"
With the blink of an eye I've set the screw head.
Hang green lights together her anger I dread.
She spoke not a word, didn't go berserk.
Then I climbed down the ladder ""I'm finished work!"

Then laying her fist aside of my nose,
It felt rather odd, then my face met my toes.
I then sprang to my feet, gave Floyd a whistle.
We hopped in the car, drove to town ore the trestle.

And I heard her exclaim as we drove out of sight
"Two green lights together, together green lights!"

Bob Niles

PS. #%*%#€ spells bite kids. It's an old ancient spelling.

Sunday, December 6, 2015

Golden Bells

                                                       Golden Bells

"Angelo! Angelo will you please shut up! All you do is talk, talk, talk. Nobody likes you around here because of all your tall stories you go on and on about. That and your fashion sense. You still wearing that silly Christmas scarf with the bell on it for heavens sake!"
"Oh it's not silly when it's for heaven's sake Jimbo, and my stories ain't tall, they true. My Dad is very rich. He could buy this whole place and knock it down. He said he'd send me a ticket to fly back to his place anytime if I wanted. He could buy anything he wanted. He has this mansion with three swimming pools filled with mineral water that comes from a mountain piped directly"
"Angelo! Again, will you please shut up. It's your turn next. Get your blanket and cot number and let's go to bed it's been one long day."
"Next please." Called out the social worker from the Lighthouse Mission.

"What's your bunk number Angelo?" Asked Jim. "Are you 25? I'm 27, the one by the window."
"Yup 25 same as last night and all the other nights before that. Twenty-five must be my lucky number. Say Jim weren't you born on the 25th? Funny eh? Twenty-five,....doesn't seem that long ago I was 25 Jimbo. Had a full head-o-hair. Can you believe that Jimbo? Me with hair. Big old Afro hair-doo bouncing as I walked up Yonge St. Well more of a swagger than a walk. Yup them were the days Jimbo. Time was my friend, there were always tomorrow. Yo know what Jimbo I wish they'd knock this  place down. It stinks of smoke and everything musty, and it always seems wet in here."
"Well give your Dad a call, have him knock it down for you. But then where would we sleep? This mission is all we have for our home right now Angelo. And how do you know when I was born?"
"Yo come with me Jimbo! My Dad, he got a big ole mansion. He let you stay in one of the guest rooms. Hey Jimbo iffin he like yo he build yo your own big ole house. Get yo a maid and cook, like that Jimbo?  Hey Jimbo?... Yo told me when's yo born, Swiss cheese fo brains."
"Great Angelo! Great. Sounds great. Your Dad building me a big ole house. Pass me my pillow will ya. We got lights out in two minutes bud. But don't think I'll take you up on your offer though. The Granddaughter and I got married and we are going to live happily ever after in the magical forest."
"Excuse me Jimbo? Yo married your Granddaughter? Don't think that's legal no matter where yo from."
"Oh it's legal Angelo. Mr Bear married us in full attendance of all the playroom guests and friends. Elmo played piano and couldn't stop laughing he was so happy. Mickey, Minnie, Bert and Big Bird - couldn't find Ernie- and an assortment of Lego friends all had tea and cookies with us. We toasted each other and wished us happiness, candy rainbows and magical unicorns till forever. Till forever Angelo,...... till forever."
"Funny thing that forever in time Jimbo, has a way of biting you in the backside letting you know it's not for-ever but against-ever. Say Jimbo where" -RING- "you from anyway? You from around here? You ain't said too much about you."
"Me? I'm from,....? Well I'm from,...well ah from north, just north of here. Or is it west? Where are we? Some flop house somewhere?  And stop your silly scarf from ringing!"
"We're at the Lighthouse Mission Jimbo. Remember? You showed up about three days ago. Looking all lost in need of a hot meal and a bed. Really mad too! You thought you'd been done wrong to and how unfair life was. 'Doctors what do they know! Bunch of liars. What do they know!' That's what you said Jimbo. All yelling and upset causing a real ruckus at the front desk."
"Did you hear that Angelo?"
"Hear what Jimbo? I didn't hear nottin. But I did see you go out of focus for a second. Maybe get my peepers checked. You're one strange cat Jimbo. Don't know where you from, all lost and confused. What you all confused about Jimbo. Don't you like waiting? You got someplace better ta be? Like the place you can't even remember where it is."
"It sounded like my Granddaughter  calling me. Now she's saying a prayer I taught her for bedtime. You can't here that Angelo?.....Crash cart?? Code Blue?  What,...? Angelo is someone here sick?"
"Hey we's all sick Jimbo. Look around ya. Iffin yo heard crash cart then they is someone sick. Me I just need shut eye yo looking all blurry Jimbo. Come tomorrow I'm gonna call my Dad and yo and me, we outta here. We deserve better than this ole place Jimbo. Sound good to yo there Jimbo? Jimbo? Well I guess yo a sleeping. Yo sure do fall asleep quick there Jimbo."
"Lights out! Lights out boys." Byron the dorm super announced. "Two more sleeps till Christmas  and I know all you little darlings just can't wait till Christmas morning."
"Give us a break Byron." Came the call from a darkened room." We're not little kids all excited about a tree full of gifts you know. Just a better kick at life away from all this pain an"
"Now boys don't get all down in the dumps about waiting for something better. It will happen for many of you, but I'm sorry to say not for us all. Let's just pipe down and get some sleep. Night."
"Hear that Jimbo." Angelo whispered. "Two more sleeps till Christmas. We gotta get outta here, head on over to my Father's for Christmas. You know Jimbo it's his bestest time of year. He do love Christmas. We would have such a party at Christmas it was like birthday and Christmas combined. People from the church nearby come on by and sing songs light candles-n-stuff. They put on plays about the first Christmas with the Baby Jesus n-all. Sounds good Jimbo?.... Well yo justa go on sleeping Jimbo we'll talk in da morning. And Jimbo, when a silly ole bell ring this time of year,.....well yo know what that mean."

"Wow my chest hurts. That was some night."
"What's that Jimbo? Got some pain in yer ticker?" Angelo laughs. "Maybe it's you that needs the crash cart Jimbo. But you don't need no sleepin pill that for sure. You out like a light. Faster than a light! Light still on when you fast a sleep last night. Mr. Byron he come around a remind us it Christmas tomorrow. Probably have us some good ole turkey I bet, and mash potatoes. I do love my mash potatoes and gravy I do. Say what yo want to do today? Oh! Say I know we gotta get ready to go see my Father. We need say our good-byes to all da people here. Check outta dis place fear good now. Sound good Jimbo? ........Jimbo?
"Ya,...sure whatever. Sounds great man" Jim gets up out of bed and looks out window down to the street three floors below. "You don't hear that Angelo?"
Angelo sits up in bed and rubs his eyes and stretches. "Awwwwwwwwww (big yawn) Hear what?" As he blinks his eyes trying to focus on Jim. "I have got to get some eye drop er sumpin. Yo are one sight fer sore eyes Jimbo. Yo are out of focus again. Yo makin me dizzy.
"Funny could of sworn I heard my Granddaughter again. What would she be doing around here? And at this time of the morning? What am I thinking, she has no idea where I am because I have no idea where I am." Jim continues to stare out the window lost in thought as he ties the back of his shirt. "Angelo did you say Christmas is tomorrow?"
"So yo was listening. Ya Christmas is tomorrow Jimbo. Yous and me is getting outta here going to my Fathers fo Christmas. It's all planned. We gonna have turkey and them mash potatoes I love and collared greens with them little carrots and pumpkin pie for dessert. Sound good to yo Jimbo?......Will yo get away from that window. Ain't nobody down there. Yo making me dizzy Jimbo. Angelo says as he rubs his eyes and sits back down on his cot.
"Say Angelo old pal could you lend me a few bucks so I can buy my Granddaughter a Christmas gift? You know I'll pay you back."
"No I don't know yo'll pay me back. And besides I got no money. Iffin I did do yo think I'd be a staying here?"
"Your Dads loaded! At least that what you keep telling me and anyone else who will listen. How come you aren't rich if your Dad has it all?"
"Jimbo I am rich. But it's a different kind of rich. I'm rich in things yo can't see, things that will never wear out or go outta style or break down. I got more than I can axe for Jimbo."
" There you go again with that kinda talk that gets you in to trouble here with a few of the guys. They really get angry with all this talk you know. Keep it to yourself. You bragging about all your fine things and promises from your Father is angering some of the ones you don't want to mess with. Like the nice biker skinhead guy with all the lovely tattoos all over his face." Jim says rolling his eyes. "Say Angelo you seen my shoes? All I have is these slippers."
"That's what yous were wearing when you showed up here. That and that sickly blue kinda overcoat thingy. Don't yo have a suitcase er bag er anything?" 
"Apparently not Angelo. I guess I travel light. I'm a man of mystery,...Wow! Wow! My chest!"

               "Code Blue! Clear!" BANG "Increase to 200 hit em again.   Clear!"   BANG

"What's going on Jimbo? You having a seizure? I be calling Mr. Byron fo ya? Jim yo okay?"
"Whoa, whoa Angelo let me catch my breath here. Man that hurts. What did you do to me?"
"Me? I done nottin! Yo just about fly outta yo cot though! Look like yous layin down one second then you jump flat off the cot! Never seen nottin like it Jimbo. Say you hearing yo Granddaughter again? You going all fuzzy kinda. Funny how my peepers go all funny now when yo hear her. Yo  better just stay there in yo cot, I go get Mr Byron an check yo out. Yo lookin real pale like. I think we had just better stay round here today till yo get some colour back in yo face."
"I think you're right Angelo. I'll just lie here for a while. But don't be troubling Mr. Byron, I'm sure I just need a little rest is all. The only thing I wanted to do today is get a Christmas present for my Granddaughter and with my cash flow problem, maybe I'll just have to think of something I can do for her. That's it I'll just lie here and think of something I can do for her. Something to let her know Grandpa loves her. Grandpa still remembers. Gran....."

"Grandpa? Grandpa it's me Sophia Morgan. Remember me?" Jim's Granddaughter whispers as she takes his hand in hers."Mommy grandpa looks terrible! Hoses, bags, tubes and wires everywhere he can't  be liking what they are doing to him. Make them stop Mom."
"Your Grandpa needs all that so he can keep breathing dear. He's very sick and the hospital has to monitor how he's doing and all the hoses and wires help them do that." Jim's daughter explains as she rubs her daughters back.
"But it's been four days now and he's not better, he's even sicker than when he got here in the ambulance. Can't we just go home with him and start again all over? He's not my Grandpa laying here like this." 
"Be careful what you say Sophia Morgan." Her mother sternly warned. "It is very possible Grandpa can hear you, and you could hurt his feelings."
"Oh sorry sorry Grandpa! You're still my Grandpa and always will be but I miss the old you. Not that you're old! My Sunday School Teachers old! She remembers the old Bible days really well. You and me got more fun stuff to do. Like tomorrow at Christmas we gotta open my new bike and take it for a spin. I peaked under the tree."
"Sophia Morgan! What did I say about looking under the tree?"
" Well I didn't touch anything it's just hard to wrap a bike so that it doesn't look like a bike. It's not like wrapping the fancy underwear that dad got for you!" Sophia Morgan laughs as she pretends to walk down a models runway.
"Young lady that's just about enough from you." Her Mom jokingly scolded. "Now why don't you say your good-byes and maybe we'll come and see Grandpa tomorrow. It's awfully late"
"What,? Can't Grandpa come home with us now? He can't be here at Christmas by himself."
"Honey," her mother explained, "Your grandpa has had three heart attacks and I'm afraid he might not make it out of here. He's just so weak and tired to come home with us now. The doctor says he may never again be the same, even if he does make it out of here. I'm afraid your Grandpa might not gain consciousness again honey."
Sophia Morgan climbed up on her Grandpa's bed and smoothed his blankets out. 
"Honey I know this is hard to take, but I think maybe Grandpa is going to leave us soon. I think your Grandpa would be happier in heaven than hurting here with us. You would want Grandpa happy, right?"
"Doctors what do they know! Buch of liars. They aren't telling the truth Mom." Sophia Morgan angrily stated as tears ran down her cheek.
"Now you're sounding like your Grandpa because that's  exactly what he said after his first heart attack." Sophia Morgan's mom straightened up the cards and flowers on the bedside table and gathered her coat and purse. "Now honey I'm sorry but we've got to get going. Mommy's got a lot to do before tomorrow. I'm going to go in the hall and talk to the doctor and you can sit here beside Grandpa and wish him a Merry Christmas and say your good-byes for tonight." Sophia Morgan's mother walked out in the hall to find her Dad's doctor.
"Grandpa?" She whispered as she took his hand. "I just know you can hear me. I know you don't want to be here and I don't want you here either Grandpa if you're hurting. Cause that really makes me sad. I know we said we'd be together forever at our wedding but that was like forever ago. We laughed so much that day didn't we? You and me sure had some fun times back when I was a kid last year. Grandpa can you hear me?....sure wish I knew you could hear me. You know what Grandpa? You know what you can give me for Christmas?" Sophia Morgan wiped tears from her face with her sleeve. "Could you let me know you hear me for my Christmas present Grandpa? That would be the bestest gift I could imagine. Grandpa? I prayed my bedtime prayer the other night just before I left and it's the only prayer I really know. So I hope this helps you Grandpa. But before I do, I just want you to know that I'll be okay if you go cause I don't want you here in this stinky old hospital anymore. And especially if you're hurting. I'm a big girl now, starting school next year and I can't be around as much anymore. I'll be so busy you know. You did a real good job of taking care of me. I love you Grandpa so much. Okay I'm gonna close my eyes now. You taught me this remember? Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my,....Mommy! Mommy! Grandpa squeezed my hand! Mommy!"
Aeeeek aeeeek aaaa aaaa-alarms and alert tones fill the hospital room -aeeeek aeeeek aaaa aaaaa RING aeeeek - as  a Code Blue is alerted. Nurses and doctors filled the room as Sophia Morgan is pushed to the rear of the room.
         "Grandpa? Grandpa can you hear me?"

December 28th
"I loved the song you sang and the wonderful story you told about your Grandpa at the service this morning." Said an elderly man to Sophia Morgan. "You were very brave, he would of been proud of you." 
"Did you know my Grandpa?" 
"Yes, but it was years and years ago when we lived in Toronto. We had met actually quite by accident. I had been living on the streets in,... Well maybe your a little young for such a story. I will say though your Grandpa saved my life. He was just a young man about 20 and he had volunteered at a mission on Yonge St. He took me under his wing so to speak. He prayed with me, worked with me got me to go back to school to complete my education. If it hadn't been for your Grandpa I'd of never become a pastor to a small church."
"Wow you worked for God?" asked Sophia Morgan.
"I sure did, and still do. Helped a lot of people too. Well I won't keep you but I just wanted you to know how much your grandpa loved you. He talked of you a lot and loved to tell about the time you two got play married."
"He told you about that?"
"Sure did. You were the light in his eyes honey. Well I really should be going your Grandma wants you. Oh, one last thing, did he get you anything for Christmas this year? He was all worried as what to get you."
"Yup. He let me know he was with me right till he went to his Fathers home in heaven. Mom says I was very special in his life."
"Yes, yes you were."
"Sophia Morgan?" came a call from the kitchen.
"Over here Grandma" she said as she made her way through the many guest that had stayed after the funeral.
"Where were you?" asked her grandma.
"I was talking to that man, that man in the picture there." Sophia pointed to a collection of pictures celebrating her grandpas life. "He's a pastor grandma."
"Oh dear you tell such tall tales. That man's name is Angelo and he died many years ago saving homeless people from a fire at,..I believe it was the Lighthouse Mission. He did his preaching there to the homeless men."
"No grandma he's over here I was just talking to him." Sophia Morgan pulled on her grandmas arm as she guided her through the crowd. "He's right in here grandma."
Angelo wasn't there. Sophia Morgan's room was empty. All except for a silly Christmas scarf with a golden bell all covered in soot and smelling like a campfire.

Bob Niles