Adult and Battery

ADULT and BATTERY

A
B
c.........g
t x.........................next time won't.......sing with me.
How was I to know it was this that needed new batteries? I pretty much know the alphabet. I don't play with the 'Old McDonald Alphabet Barn'!
But she, (job creator and wife) writes this cryptic message on a piece of paper 'Replace the batteries I've been bugging you about for the last three months ya dumb bottom!' It was no. 137 in the once named 'HoneyDo' Jar. But after 24 years of marriage it's been renamed to something a little more direct with a slang term for bottom as myself. The 'Get Up And Do It You Dumb A-- (Bottom)' Jar.
It took two double 'A' (AA) batteries to drive this farmyard tool of alphabetic knowledge. Two little cylinders the size of....well, small batteries (I was always bad at analogies) have taught all four of my grand kids the early basics of the English written language.
Absolutely amazing if you think about it.
I started school, as probably most of the rest of you did born before Sesame Street, not knowing the building blocks of written word. The basic A-Z was an unknown. Not my mother, father, strange aunt, older brother, or The Friendly Giant taught me the ABC Song. Mom, Dad and older brother had their own problems. Strange aunt...well strange says it all. And the giant....although a giant, he certainly wasn't friendly! He had a rooster stuffed in a bag nailed to the wall!
These two little batteries along with a plastic barn and 23 plastic letters (Y G and B disappeared under the fridge) taught all four grandkids the alphabet. It sang out the ABC song and had the capability of pronouncing each letter when placed in the hayloft. The 23 singing capital letters are all magnetically smattered across the aforementioned fridge. In groups of three and four they hold crayon drawings of princess and the ever so flattering drawings of ones self by a three year old. She must think I'm a genius because she draws my heads so big. I think I'll keep this one, it might come in handy next argument with the wife.
How can I just toss or recycle these two batteries? They should be prized and presented for all to see. For someday, I can say 'Kids, this is who /what taught you the alphabet. These two insignificant cylinders of positive and negative polarity had the sole purpose of teaching each of you the letters from A-Z.', and have succeeded where strange Aunt Fizzy couldn't.
These two AA batteries (no meetings required) can't be tossed as play batteries that drive toys. Or thrown away with stupid batteries that just operate lights. On-Off. Or tossed out with the flash batteries that just go 'DAH! And then wait to go DAH! again.They can't die with the snobby camera batteries that have traveled and been to all the best parties and vacation spots. Party! Party! Or placed among little fashion oddity batteries so small and tiny that hide in expensive watches that make size 'AA' size look so big and freakish.
No I say! Not my AA friends! They shall remain....forever............ She's standing behind me isn't she?
"Will you JUST replace the battery!" she suggests. "You've been at this for 52 minutes and haven't done a thing! Now get moving!" ( again suggests) "Jobs 138 and 140 are waiting. You can do 139 when you take your bath. And might I suggest (see....suggests) you close the curtains or put some pants on while doing all this."
"Yes dear." was my only reply. Should of shown her my genius picture.
I dug deeper into the toolbox looking for a tiny Phillips driver with which to free my two little double 'A' friends. But why? We all know the alphabet! They're not going to play with this anymore. Job done I say! (suggest?) Think I'll start on job 139 and fill the tub. Already have my pants off, just need the pruning shears from the garage.


Bob Niles