Miracle of Three Little Pigs

Miracle of Three Little Pigs

We have heard and read about people experiencing miracles throughout history all our lives. From Bible stories to the five o'clock news we've read and seen miracles transform lives. And now I can report that such a thing has happened in my very life.
It started last July when my three yr. old granddaughter wanted a Guinea pig for her fourth birthday. Twenty dollars gets you a confirmed female Guinea pig and another hundred gets you the basics for which the pig can live in a confined well fed existence.
I say confirmed female because this is part of my miracle.
Christmas of that same year finds us buying a second pig, again with 98% confirmed assurance that it too was of the female gender. This second pig was required as my granddaughter thought Squeaker, the first confirmed female rodent, was lonely and needed a friend.
And so it came to be that two female Guinea pigs, Peaches and Squeaker, would become my weekly chore of cleaning their 4ft. by 2 ft. abode from hundreds if not thousands of little chocolate tic-tac droppings and urine soaked wood chips. But it wasn't weekly. It became every 4-5 days as the smell of these two pigs with their origin south of the equator became a little overwhelming. As did other things.
These two girls started to do......how do I put this?.....Boy girl things. No. Married man and women things. Things that made me turn to YouTube for guidance.
On YouTube I learned that all knowledge about Guinea pigs comes from pre-teen girls and middle aged women with no children. Women and girls that turn rodents into the children they will, or never will have. These pigs have it made! If you're a Guinea pig that is lucky enough to get adopted by such a group of childless females you will live a life of comfort and care. One that finds you not bedded on sharp pokey wood chips but on fleece as soft as butter. Fleece that is twice daily vacuumed of all the chocolate tic-tacs a pig of your size can produce. Bowls of fresh veggies rather than pellets of compressed .....? Who cares! Just as long as you eat it and not die. Plus you get the run of the house. All five or six or seven of you run about on your confirmed routes without the care of where your next meal might be.
This knowledgeable group of females have any or all of your questions about pig behavior covered and answered for on YouTube. The habits and traits of these substitute children are all videoed and explained in an easy to understand way that only a twelve year old can do. And what my two females, acting like pigs, we're doing was natural. It was a form of showing which pig was the dominant pig.
Comforted by a group of childless women, I put my concerns of the mommy and daddy behavior to rest. It was a kind of rest that lasted for 72 days. And on that 72nd day the womb came to life and expelled the miracle of birth that can only be found from the conception that resulted from two females. A miracle has transpired!
Where there were two, have now become five. My granddaughter was ecstatic! She was the one, the only one that celebrated this miracle birth of three babies.
Ya right dominance. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it's a duck!
"Look grandpa ones piggy backing the other one!" my granddaughter would observe. Quack quack quack.
So Peaches as it would turn out is a boy. His gender hiding days are over! No more quacking from you my male friend. It's a life of seclusion from Squeaker or $150 dollars to have your bits removed. And I mean bits, tiny bits. In defense of our YouTube experts its very difficult to determine gender of Guinea pigs. Armed with the knowledge that she was a he, and without getting too graphic, the difference is minuscule. It's like trying to determine a fat naked guy getting out of a cold pool on a windy day from a great distance through foggy glasses and blowing leaves is male or female would be the way you would have to judge gender for a Guinea pig.
So it was with little debate, our first problem solved,... keep Squeaker and Peaches apart. Maybe rename Peaches?
Second problem is, we can't have five Guinea pigs. Not a problem for us but to my granddaughter Charlotte it was a huge issue. We, right from the delivery room started to prepare her to the fact that five pigs is too many. It wasn't until six days later that we laid down the law that there was not going to be five pigs, and that we had to give them away. To which she responded 'And when I turn five I suppose you're going to give me away!'
It's hard to argue with a four year old. But I did try...and lost.
Maybe I should try YouTube again? What to do with too many Guinea pigs? I typed into the keyboard, waited a few seconds and got cooking recipes and snakes eating Peaches! Gross!
Second problem still not answered. Plus the girls on YouTube tell me that at three weeks these three little pigs can start quacking like married mommy and daddy pigs. So now I have a third problem...who's who in the zoo? Which ones are boys and which ones are girls? To find out who's who for sure you have to take the three little pigs to the veterinarian to see which one wears a pink bow in her hair and which one will scratch himself like a ball player. And all for the cost of more than you could buy three new 98% confirmed gender pigs at the store. Aaahhhhh!
'Three Little Pigs! Free to a Good Home With NO Snakes or Guinea Pig Recipes'
Reads the sign out front of the house. Second problem solved in a way that the third problem is no longer mine. Now for the biggest problem, telling a four year old what the sign reads, and that when she turns five another sign just like this one won't appear on the lawn. This is going to be expensive.

Bob Niles