You wanna a screw for the hinge?
In recent visits, extended visits, to Walmart I have become a bit unruly with the wife. I have taken the long drawn out tedious situation of being there and done everything possible to embarrass the wife, Walmart staff and total strangers. You might of read of some of my exploits on line. Such fun!
Well now the little lady is getting even while I'm at Canadian Tire. I mean I don't want her to go with me. I'd rather go alone, but she's devised this devious plan she thinks is funny and now wants to tag along with me to my guy store every time I go.
She's doing things like;
Getting a wheelbarrow, bags of lime, shovels and duct tape and stressing a sense of urgency to the store clerk that she has to get back to the car before her husband comes round.
Giggling insistently and like a little girl every time that she gets the clerk to repeat (because she keeps forgetting) the part on the toilet called the ballcock.
With two jumbo boxes of rat poison she asks the clerk in the gardening dept. if they knew of any recipes that included rat poison that her husband might like.
With chainsaw and plastic sheet in hand asks staff if they have any DVDs of Scarface.
Swings a camping hatchet from side to side and up and down while pointing out that this could do some serious damage down at the bank.
Asks staff where the numb nuts section as she's looking for her husband.
Walks up to a clerk with a fence hinge in hand and asks for,...oh but she can't remember the name of the kind of nail you use that twists into the wood to hold the hinge on. 'A screw?' The clerk says, 'you wanna screw for the hinge?' "No! But I'll let you get to second base for a toaster." She teases.
Complains 'the plumbing display department here is trash' every time she walks out of the ladies washroom.
Complains often and loudly she can't find the camouflage isle!
Enjoys annoying the auto department by asking for 'that thingy' for a 2010/ 6 cylinder Ford Explorer. And then after looking through pictures of parts for half an hour she gives them an 'Oh never mind, I remember now, it's a whatsit!'
Pretends she's a fashion super model as she does the catwalk down the well lit light display isle
Practises casting the fishing rods across as many isles as possible.
She uses a changing room (which was the shower curtain display) to try on her one size fits all paper overalls then complains that all the ladies in the store were watching her change. Not realizing all the bathroom cabinets with mirrors were across the isle.
Sets up 100 rat traps off the display rack in the women's washroom.
Drops 3/8ths lug nuts down all the butt cracks she encounters and then gives them the nod over my way like I did it.
Brings her leftover meatloaf (and there's usually lots. Taste like rat poison) and places cut up logs of it in the toilets on display in the plumbing department.
Tries to buy as much heavy stuff as she can to see if the car, with its bumper now on road will throw out sparks like in the commercial.
Every time I move my hand to point to something she jumps back like a beaten dog. Then apologizes for being so jumpy and thanks me for letting her out of the box.
Screams KEVIN! Three times and gets them to lock down the store as she can't find her precious Kevin. After an hour of looking it's discovered Kevin (a gerbil) is still in her purse.
Swings a framing hammer from side to side and up and down while pointing out this could do some serious damage down at the bank.
Bob Niles
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