Pushers and Pullers
"Excuse me? Thank you very much. Excuse me just gotta get past. Thank you. Pardon me gotta get around you there. Thanks. You're kinda in the way here, need past. Hello?"
This is me barely in the door of the Super-Dooper Grocery Giant trying to push past they that pull the blasted wheeled basket. All forward motion and communication fail so you back up and trip over a wayward come-a-long basket someone's left right behind you. Which not only produces your butt on the floor but several 2 for 1 pickle jars as well.
'Wet cleanup at the north entrance.' Is heard from a ceiling speakers as you unwind yourself from the now ownerless come-along basket.
Why in the name of canned pimentos did anyone ever think that dragging a wagon of groceries behind you, one that Pullers seem to have no idea of its location, is better than pushing a responsible basket, in front of you that you steer?
It's become an issue that has grocery stores divided. They that push, and they that pull.
The little Red Riding-hood baskets, of they that carry, don't get to have an opinion. It's the only thing Pushers and Pullers agree on,..Rookies.
As you can tell I'm a Pusher. My guidance counsellor in Grade 12 predicted it. And I do get irritated with them that pull. Pullers are people that don't want to fork out the Quarter for the serious once a week shopping cart. People that are Pullers run in every day of the work week and buy 14 things (but they that stand behind you in the 15 or less express check-out count 21) and then they're on their way.
But you're not on your way are you? You and your extra three foot arm appendage extend cross ways in the aisle blocking my way to the potato chips. Dangerous thing to come between a saltoholic and his fix.
And even when Pullers are moving, their baskets of death don't stay behind them. It fans out to widen their advance and retreat. The basket pulls to the left or right of the Puller like a wayward child trying to draw their attention someplace else.
And it seems you are totally oblivious to this extension of your youness. Do you think when you stop your basket will heel like a dog and just come and sit at your heels? Not unless the floor is slanted the right way will that ever happen.
Then there are times you abandon it with its ever so annoying, long, aisle blocking handle extended. You've dumped it and soloed one aisle over cause other Pullers in the coffee aisle, where you need to go, have stopped to herd and visit. So you go it alone, sans basket. Dancing around, over and and behind three Pullers to collect Seattle's Best #4 grind. All the while you, now blocking aisle 3, and allowing them to continue blocking 4. While I'm still trying to hide my wet butt stinking like Polskie Ogorkies stuck behind your temporarily abandoned basket.
And God bless the Pullers that allowed their little Jimmy to commandeer the once lowly come-along basket and turn it into a sugar fueled race car. A candy injected British racing green sports car that races up and down aisles leaving mommy and daddy free to get past other Pullers that now linger in front of the spaghetti sauces. Mom and dad set off to acquire 2 jars of tomato sauce and 4 cans of Beefaroni, then retreat to find little Jimmy (this is usually done audibly). They then deposit their acquisitions in the aforementioned basket and then it's back in the trenches fighting through other Pullers and Pushers, teaming with the Carriers on their quest for more sustenance while little Jimmy burns doughnuts by the dry goods. Where did Jimmy get the matches? I've looked everywhere for them.
The only Pullers that watch their baskets are the cute ones. The ones that you want to bump into. Ones that would be all apologetic and flash you a smile and say sorry. Cute ones that wouldn't notice your age or the hemorrhoid cream and Fixident. But if only you were 30 yrs. younger and she was 30 IQ Points lower. A beautiful girl who wants you for your money and is really bad at math.
Sorry, ....I got lost there for a second.
Why even the homeless don't want to be Pullers. You never see a homeless Puller!
Now I know Pushers can be guilty of the same crimes as Pullers. But at least when we're in the way we know about it and can see the problem and correct it in a timely fashion. It's right in front of us. Pullers have no clue where their basket is behind them.
Maybe if they were required to wear a rear view mirror head band around they're skull. Or put mirrors on the come-along basket itself, then they would know the number of Pushers that were piling up behind them. Plus if you're going to be a Puller it should be required that you understand excuse me, move it and coming through in more than five languages.
And Pullers, when they've emptied their come-along basket at the check-out they just leave them there. People have to be hired to continually collect them and move them out of the way. Not us Pushers. We're considerate. We take our baskets outside and line them up neatly out of the way. And then other a pushers bring them back in one by one to repeat the process.
Pushers we must unite and educate the wandering Pullers. So I'm starting Pushers United. Or P U as we'll refer to our selfs. And to start we'll show our numbers. When passing another Pusher give them a big P U. You'll be surprised how empowering it will feel to have so many give you a P U. while grocery shopping.
So let's unite and make Pullers Pushers. And remember we're all in this together. I'm pulling,...sorry pushing for ya.
Bob Niles
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