FALL-TER-ING
FALL, winTER, sprING
Yes people of the West Coast of Canada we are going through that time of year known as 'Falltering'. It's part Fall, all Winter and part Spring. A super season consisting of half of the year where the weather differs very little. A dreary, boring, overcast, just about double digit temperatures of will it rain, or will it not rain (who cares, everything I own is wet) six months.
Falltering starts early to mid November with a warm wind storm and a weekend of solid rain. 'I'm here!' it bellows just as all the holiday shopping starts to mark the beginning of Falltering. It comes in like a naughty child. Pulling at your coat and trying to break your umbrella while it water bombs you as you blindly run between your car and the mall entrance.
While in the mall mind control has begun to help us not go nuts. The powers that be, unknown friendly government forces, flash colorful lights of red blue and green. Trees are illuminated that hypnotize us into thinking that it's base needs to be blocked by beautifully wrapped boxes covered in bows. All this is to get us out of our homes to stimulate the economy and give us something to do other than play in puddles.
People stumble around wishing each other 'Merry' and 'Happy' this and that to make you think it's going to be 'Merry' and 'Happy'. This is the start of Falltering.
This spirit of hope last till the first week of January. Till about the time January's days are equal to the temperature. It's then you realize you can't take Falltering any more and need a holiday in some sun. Hot, burning, blinding, cancer causing solar rays are what you need, and now! And it's everybody that needs it. Vacations, hotels and airlines are filled to capacity in this the most expensive time of year to travel. Thank you very much Falltering!
One week, ten days or two weeks if you're lucky is all the time you can get away from Falltering. People and work need you back here in the gloom and rain. Jealous, unhappy, wet people that don't want to see your sun filled pictures splashed with turquoise water and weird umbrellas that block rays from the sun. Why Bill from shipping even asked why I pointed the camera flash right back at the camera. Upon explaining the existence of the sun come January in other places he wasn't the only one that in their mind went 'Oh ya'.
In mid to late January, just to remind you of the ever always present, puddle by the door at work,... Falltering makes the water hard, slippery and dangerous. Falltering does something it seldom does now-a-days it goes a bit cold. Just for a day or two. It'll poop a dump of snow, clog traffic and bring a more three dimensional look to moisture. The kids will stay home from school and you'll lie to the people at work about being sick that day. Last time you left them home alone you wound up with a new kitchen.
Little Cindy and Bobby will want to play in the snow and you'll search the house for gloves, mittens, socks anything to put on their hands. It's snow boots instead of just rubber boots, toques, scarfs and sweaters. Forty five min. later they exit the house wearing Aunt Tilly's oven mitts that she made for you last Christmas. Rubber boots now too small for their feet because of the extra socks wrapped in plastic bags. This with your 2010 Winter Olympic toque and your rayon print 'Sunday go to Binos' fashion scarf.
But you need not fear the neighbours assessment for your children's fashion choices. For one immediatly slips on the puddle and comes in crying. And you don't even get the tears dried, before the other comes in complaining of being cold and wet.
It's about here you phone work and tell them you'll be in a little late.
Two days later the snow's gone thanks to a pineapple express of blowing warm air mixed with watery spurts. Just the way you remember that sick day on your holidays three weeks ago. You just didn't know what it was called.
February splashes by and your thanking God for it's only 28 days. This leads to March and something the sports world calls March Madness. For you, this means something totally different than it does to them. You want out! Your socks have been wet for five months now! Wet feet for that long has an effect on a persons thinking. You hear of the madness of Spring Break that collage and university kids go on. It's mayhem! And you're all for it! Middle aged sensibility is faltering because of the length of Falltering.
Keep it together! Only about a month and a half to go.
April starts with a 'Fools Day'. And of past recent years anger has taken over from the light hearted humorous pranks. People turn mean and their laughs are now different from the last time you heard laughter,..in August. Their laugh is like the laugh you hear on that late night weekend movie that comes from the cellar. And that laugh today is coming from your dear sweet mother.
April creeps and teases. The clouds in the western sky stay lighter longer in the day casting a beautiful reflection on the now shrinking puddles. The once happy child's poem of 'April showers bring Mayflowers', is replaced with April rainstorm combine with hail stones.
I can't take the teasing of a little sun, and then have it drowned, like we got caught with something we weren't suppose to have, with hail and rain.
It's soon after, Falltering starts to break. A little extra sun where the full orb is almost visible. This is when the West Coast population goes nuts. We all dress like a hot July afternoon, and head to the beaches like lemmings all crowding to the ocean shores. But unlike them we stop. We, with what little brain matter that isn't all soggy and wet say 'Hang on dummy! Remember a January 1st swim? You don't want to end Falltering with a cold'.
Falltering ends with the welcome of allergies, hay fever and stuffy noses! Yes Falltering falters after the first half of Spring. It gives way to lingering glimpses of what seems to be the flash from my camera, but longer. Right Bill?
Bob Niles
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