Excuse me, do you have any Grey Poupon?

Excuse me, do you have any Grey Poupon?

I want to say something to the flag girl about how much I enjoy the inside of my car on a hot day, but it would do no good. But she's the face on this traffic tie-up. Whom else could I mouth off to? The big burly tanned bronzed behemoth guy that's squashing the hot pavement with the vibrating roller? I think not! I value my front tooth.
It's a far far better thing that I think of things to do to take my mind off this impassible inconvenience called roadwork.
Things like;

1: Rollup all the car windows and make the poor sucker beside you in the 87 Honda think you have air-conditioning.
2: Check out the rear and side mirrors to see what you would see if you ever actually used them.
3:Pretend that trickle of sweat running down your back is a mouse looking for a home.
4:Try to not move after thinking about no. 3.
5:Test the theory that as soon as road crew workers are spotted, you count all the safety vests worn to see if it's equal to the minutes you are stuck there.
6: Check to see if the car next to you has any Grey Poupon Dijon mustard.
7: From the back seat, as your lane moves ahead, complain loudly that the new feature in your car doesn't work.
8: Have the kids pretend they're asleep while you and the wife rehearse lies about how little you bought in the U.S. that afternoon. (Oops! Forgot which line up I was in.)
9: If you're a guy take your shirt off and pretend you're uncomfortable with your nudity when the guy in the next car asks for Grey Poupon.
10: Using your knees drive through the orange cones on the fresh pavement screaming "It's trying to park itself!"
11: While advancing faster than the other lanes belt out your favorite Barry Manilow hit while dancing to the Coco Capana. When stopped,..remain quiet, don't look to the left or right. Look straight ahead.
12: Have a mental breakdown.

Bob Niles