Blackberries, Morning Glory and my Lawn Mower

Blackberries, Morning Glory and my Lawn Mower for $100 Alex
What are three things stuck to my fence

Last week I was cutting the heads off the clover with my poor excuse for a gas lawn mower when it hit me. No it caught me. The Morning glory vine from the neighbours yard reached out and grabbed me. I responded as I do when any one touches me by screaming and swatting at them. I have issues, so says my bruised doctor.
The vine from hell (VFH) scratched me! This is new I screamed as I tried to lift the lawn mower high enough to sever its spindly arm. Contact!
I don't know how many times the lawn mower spun around before it stalled, but it was enough to knock several boards off the fence and and me to the ground. My poor excuse for a lawn mower was now five feet in the air and wound tight to the fence.
"Well I can break my glasses and throw them away. I've seen everything now!" I shout out at the neighbour in her bathroom window.
I got up to free my lawn mower off the fence that I borrowed from my brother three years ago. He's probably given up thinking I'd ever return it, but come Friday I was going to prove him wrong. That's if I could unwind this piece of junk off the fence.
I blindly reached through the fence to pull at the VFH when it bit me again. Then it grabbed hold of my arm with kitten like claws and said 'Wait right there!' I'm arm deep into the neighbours yard,... stuck. Now both the lawn mower and myself look like some weird fridge magnets stuck on the fence.
I cowboy up and just pull on my arm as needle points etch bloody linear roads down the length of my arm. I haven't been this scratched up since I tried to baptize the cat.
"Boy that doesn't look good!" I yell at the top of my voice. "Probably looks worse than it really is though!" But still she stands in the window.
I reach in my pocket for my pocket knife and take solace they never named it a underwear knife. I start to cut at the kitten claw vine that's hanging onto my brothers soon to be returned piece of junk lawn mower. I discover my VFH is made up of two vines. This is Morning glory wrapped around blackberry runners. The perfect weed! A weed you can't kill or pull.
I don't have to tell you how hard it is to kill a blackberry bush. Just like I don't have to tell you what I saw in the open bathroom window. Just know that one of them needs a lot of cutting with a razor sharp blade. There'll be a lot of scratches, some blood and pain, and so will the other.
These two vines are one of these symbiotic relationships you see on the science channel. Like the oxpecker bird and the rhino, remoras and sharks and panda bears and kangaroos both living in harmony together. The weak but very efficient growing vine of the morning glory with its large white trumpeting flowers attract bees that pollinate both vine and bush. Wrapping itself around the thorny runners of the blackberry bush discourages anyone from trying to find a source to the morning glory to pull. Golllly a perfect marriage made in hell. It can't be stopped! The whole world is going to be taken over by the black morning glory berry bush. "I can see it all now, it's horrible, shut the curtains!"
I walk, no run to the hardware store wondering why I didn't drive. They'll have some poison to do away with my little friend. I make it to the end of the driveway, winded, and change my mind. I will drive!
Two minutes later I'm back in the house on the computer wondering where it was I was going to go in the car. I type in 'hoe to kill black betty bush' and because of my poor typing skills and George Bush having a relative named Betty I'm now on some list. So then I change the wording from hoe to how and kill to poison....again with the police!
If this bush from hell were in my yard I'd have a fighting chance of hacking away at it but it hides between the neighbours garage and my fence. It strikes out into my yard by the Morning glory vine pulling the blackberry bush along at speeds equal to a pensioner heading to Denny's on his birthday.
I can't go in the neighbours yard to attack this beast as their beast and dog both hate me. They want to annoy me. Can I help it if I'm a peeping Tom with Tourettes syndrome. Talk about a bad symbiotic relationship! Quietly climbing the tree for a peek only to yell a rude insult at my victim. Just for once I'd like to report that I'm seeing somebody new and that they haven't seen me yet.
Well it's Friday and the lawn mower is still looking like a fridge magnet on a fence. I'll have to borrow my brothers other mower or my other brothers mower to cut the heads off the clover and the three dandelions poking through my dead lawn.
The neighbour bought new boards and fixed the fence. Said it was too easy for me to criticize his wife from the apple tree since their dog got out of the yard and ran away.
He's now watering and fertilizing that bush from hell. I think he's feeding it meat! I cut at it, hack at it and try to set it on fire but with little success. It's a daily fight at this time of year.
Blackberries are now in season and the wife has taken a real liking to them. But I've got so much 'Weedkill' on the bush I'd never eat them for fear of...........?!!
"Honey I'm going out to pick more berries! Could you make a pie for Pete and Betty? Kind of a piece offering to make up for my critique of Betty. What's that? Sure I'll pick a pail for you. No problem.
I may have lost this battle but this war's not over.

Bob Niles