How to Fill Two Birds in Ones Home

We are the winter stopover for about 100,000 Snow Geese every year. And, every year they eat, poop, and turn all the school grounds and parks into mud holes. The following story is a solution to mine and the citys problems .


How to Fill Two Birds in Ones Home

Well I finally got rid of my fruit flies. I caught two Snow Geese that now live full time in my kitchen.
Snow Geese are fairly easy to catch. To do this, put a green garbage bag over your head, (remember to cut holes for you arms and head) and then one over your lower extremities, and paint a white line from head to toe. You disguise yourself as a field goal line and just lay on the grass and wait for the geese to come.
Should a soccer game begin before the geese arrive its best to clear yourself of the field. Those little kids have a mean kick!
When the geese arrive look for two of the gray ones to capture. They are the young ones and they will adapt to home life a little easier. You can train the young ones to stand completely still when the wife enters the room. This will extend your lie that she's just hearing things and, you'll get points for adding to her kitchen ceramic goose collection.
Don't worry of any backlash as you walk home with your newly acquired fruit fly eating fowl. Walking with one under each arm you're treated as more of a hero, than a poacher.
Don't ask the wife if you can bring a couple of geese home either....cause she's going to say "NO!" And, try to hide the fact as long as possible that geese are living in the kitchen. This will require many nights of eating dinners out. Plus you will also have to develop a cold that has a cough with a honking quality. And you will cough a lot!
Upon her discovery (and she will eventually catch on) of your kitchen marvels, make sure you section off a part of you house that has access to the kitchen and a bathtub. You don't want them running the house! Always have water in the tub, as geese like to swim. And let the wife know which tub is occupied. Getting into the tub already occupied with geese is apparently upsetting.
This writer knows that they will try to trick you into taking them for a walk. Don't do it! I fell for it twice. Each time I had to go back to he field and brave territorial marking dogs, poopie geese and Pee-Wee soccer players to collect two more kitchen helpers.
It's expensive, and a bit troublesome, but remember your getting rid of the fruit flies in your kitchen. No price is too much.

Bob Niles
superiordribble@blogspot.com

Please note
No dolphins were hurt during the development of this story. And to be truthful, no geese were either. I never could find a green garbage bag big enough to fit me!


bobby did this