As surely as the swallows head to Capistrano, the monarchs wing their way to Mexico and the caribou traverse the tundra my fruit flies have also started their annual migration. They are off to parts unknown. Parts I care not to know. Parts I could care less about. Just as long as they are far south. At least I think they've flown south. Where else could they be?
Now we are getting ready to welcome our guest that fly in from the north and stay all winter. And I'm not talking about Uncle Art and his girlfriend, ex-exotic dancer Rita. Uncle Art just had his hip replaced and Rita's now working full time the the Shakey's in Dawson. Hopefully not dancing.
No, I'm talking about your friend and mine the Snow Goose. The field fouling flocks of fowls that fly here every autumn ( I could of said fall but figured you wiped the spit off your screen after fly)
And the geese don't tell us they're coming. But we now expect it. And they don't tell us they're staying. But we're getting use to it. It hasn't been that many years since they decided that they would tolerate our somewhat cold reception. But I guess what we offer here is better than the Russian tundra and their flight here.
"So how was your flight in from Russia?"
"The turbulence was awful! The flight was long and cold! And people shot at us every time we tried to refuel along the way!"
This is Shangri-La for them. No guns, lots of green grass all winter long and a mild climate. They just spend the winter eatin-and-a-pooping all over every school field they can find. And now we can't get rid of them. Lord knows we've tried. We just can't beat them! If you do old ladies yell at ya!
Maybe if we'd all been a little nicer to the fruit flies, and not tried to kill them every chance we had, they'd of stayed long enough for the snow geese to arrive. Then our fowl friends recognizing a food source would then follow them south. At least I think they flew south. Not sure.
How did they find out they can't be shot at here? Was it just dumb luck? Was it some dumb duck hunter that came back from the hunt and needed to wash off his decoys and left them on the school grounds to dry? 'Hey look,' said the geese 'down there on the big green field. Dumb birds like us eating what we like to eat. Let's check it out!' And the rest is history.
I myself am trying to make the best of this situation and come up with a way to market their annual visit. To make money from people who want to somehow interact with the snow geese in their winter habitat. And don't laugh. It was forward thinking like this that some brain-iac thought of making money off of tourists by making them pay to jump in the ocean and swim with the dolphins.
Now I tried several ideas to possibly capitalize on this golden goose. Like swimming with the geese in their winter habitat, but the water here is muddy and brain numbing cold. And their feathers are everywhere. I tried flying with the geese, but my ultra light hit an errant bird and we had to make a very quick unscheduled landing. I tried to market goose watching tours but with them everywhere I couldn't maintain the excitement that one gets over the hope of seeing whale. I thought of trying to market goose poop as the next go to ultra sheik face cleanser. And her I need more scientific research which doesn't come cheap. And a Hollywood A-lister willing to rub goose poop all over their face and pretend it's wonderful. I also thought maybe, since they let you get fairly close, and all they do is poop and eat grass, I could market the opportunity to poop with the geese. But only one guy signed up, and he had a court order to stay 100 metered from any school playing field.
Right now I think my best chance for profit is to rent out a goose to each home and they can place them at the kitchen recycling bin. The geese love to eat fruit flies. This will be a real surprise for our friends the fruit fly when they return north. Gosh I hope they're okay.
But whatever I do I'm not giving up. Where there's a gaggle of geese there's a gullible goof eager to part with his cash.
I started a fund to find fruit flies for field fouling flocks of fowls this autumn. Okay fall! I fear for the little fellas.
Bob Niles
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