Fwd: Heaven Can Wait

                                            Heaven Can Wait
                                            (but not for long)

Yes I'm ready to go to Heaven, but I don't want to go today! I mean, if all you guys are going today,... Sure I guess I could move a few things around, cancel a few appointments and make it. But only if you're all going.
I don't want to go by myself just to wait for the rest of us. Like the one they send on ahead to the restaurant to let them know a few billion people are on their way. "Look under Earth or human population. I'm sure there's a reservation. Sorry we're late.----Oh just 15 years?"
Now Heaven is a wonderful place. Streets of gold, no sorrow or pain filled with our loved ones who have gone on  before. Crazy old loved ones who pull the old surprised to see you joke. "You'd better hide from St. Peter till I figure how you got here!" Them kinda crazy relatives.
Heaven is our final goal. Unless of course you're a minister of the gospel. For you it's an eternity of unemployment. You'll have to find another job suited for your qualifications. Maybe it would be giving away real Faberge Eggs over the phone. "No such thing! It's all a big lie!" They'll say.
Heaven is full of unknowns that make it a big mystery. It's like booking a vacation sight unseen that you heard good things about from old people. Things to incredible to imagine that make you think it can't be true. "All inclusive except for the motor sports?"
But then there's the air travel I'm queasy about. I'm not a good flyer. I don't want to arrive at Heavens Gatepp with a bad case of the trots. What kind of candidate for Heaven am I going to be? All sweaty with sticky palms and running a fever.  Trying to get through security so I can get into Heaven to hit the first throne I see. St. Peter will send me to secondary screening thinking I'm trying to bring it with me.
I thought I'd stay here on earth as long as I can. I'm still healthy, somewhat sound of mind.  And with my ability to drive after supper I'd be a real catch in the old folks home someday.
And besides the kids had me make a bucket list I gotta do before I go. They thought I would have things I would like to do before my flight.. So I made a list of 10 things that I thought they would want me to say. But only one of which I want to do. And that is to dance at my 100th birthday party with my wife. I said wife because all the hot babes (not that she ain't hot!) I see on TV now won't be hot by then. Plus that would mean she's still health too. I don't like seeing half an old couple. And it wouldn't be me, the wife usually survives and is left behind. Which is fine because old guys don't do well on their own. You'll see us walking around town with a dog older than we are. Living in an apartment that smells like urine and Ben-Gay. We fill our days writing letters complaining to anyone who's doing anything new or different. Handing out advice that always starts with 'Back when I was young........!'
It's the ladies that handle the loss of a spouse much better. Ladies form committees at churches and halls to bake, sew, knit and quilt. Ladies stay in touch with all the families and listen to their ups and downs without giving the 'Back when I was young' spiel. Ladies mostly stay off the roads and let the old Ford sit in the garage and become valuable again. Old ladies seem to do all the right things.
When a guy dies by himself and goes to Heaven I bet it's the worst run down spot there. It's populated with just old men waiting for their wife's. A spot filled with just grumpy old men waiting for their Myrtle or Effie because nobody can do it right except them.
It's the junky part of Heaven with dirt roads all lined with log cabins and double wide trailers and an RV in every yard.  In the back of the lot is a garage bigger than the house, with walls filled with every tool imaginable. And there is no empty outlines of tools missing because Gordon next door and every guy on the block has every tool too. Nobody cuts the grass cause nobody cares. The days pass sitting on the porch with Andy and Barney sharing an apple pie Aunt Bea sent over.
Every now and then you'll see a neighbor heading down the path toward The Gates.  He's off to meet up with his wife once again. We bid him a fond farewell  as we know he won't be back. His wife for sure has a different mansion in mind with which to spend eternity in. But, sometimes we are presently surprised and his wife  agrees to eternity in a double wide. But with a few additions. Curtains being the first.
Yes as we age we think about what's next. We've had friends and family go before us so you believe and have faith of a much better place. It's a Heaven with your old dog or cat. A Heaven filled with the lives of the very young that we're taken before their time really began. A Heaven that allows healing to the mentally and physically challenged that were unable to receive it here on earth. A Heaven that you've chased all your life trying to buy. But in the process lost your family in the haze of many lost years. A Heaven that's not attained  in a personal bomb blast. A Heaven far from the pains and worries of earth. An eternal home,....till St. Peter finds out you're there!
Quick hide!

Bob Niles