Ask a Silly Question Get a Silly Answer. then it's the Drunks turn

Ask a Silly Question Get a Silly Answer. Then it's the Drunks Turn.

Why is that people standing in cue for groceries, bathrooms on airplanes or every other place else on earth want to start a conversation with a total stranger? And how do they begin a conversation? They ask really stupid questions.
"So, do you have a cat?" She asks as we happen to make eye contact in the grocery line up
Now what would make her think I have a cat? Is it that my black jacket is covered in Tinkers white hair? Or is it my my tee-shirt has a huge graphic of a house cat? All subtle clues. Or is it the 25 lb. sack of Meow Mix with an equally weighted box of stinky pee absorbing cat litter? Hard to say how Einstein came up with the hypothesis of me owning a cat.
And due to the fact I hate people being presumptuous about my private business I respond by saying "No! I'm on a new Hollywood diet of high energy cat food. It's called the 'Minimizing my Mass Mith Meow Mix'. Sorry 'With, Meow Mix' " I correct myself. "It's meaty center is surrounded by a crunchy outside that supplies antioxidants, vitamins and minerals. Which," I raise my finger in authority and smile, "supplies me with healthy teeth and bones, a strong immune system. Just look how sleek my hair looks. (I read the bag before I bought it). "And you'll notice that I get the Indoor Formula for the less active, to keep me slim and healthy." I informed her as I suck in the graphic of my cat.
"Oh." she responds as she looks for the nearest exit.
"Yes"I say, "just a bowl in the morning and one at night with a saucer of milk. Then,...? (I'm trying to think what to say next) A late night walk! I never wanted to go out after dinner before I was on this diet, but not now. I'm always ready for a late night prowl."
"Fascinating." she mumbled.
"And the kitty litter?" I continue "Well let's just say I'm suppose to keep track of,... well you know. It's all scientific and to do with what's being absorbed and what's being digested and what's left behind."
I continue on as the line inches ahead. It's certainly not fast enough for some, but I'm starting to enjoy it. I go on about what I've lost and how much better I feel....blah blah blah and then my mouth goes on but my mind is off and reminded of a similar instance from a TV talk show personality who was breast feeding on an airplane. All subdued of course. But, a guy waiting in line for the mile high outhouse looks down at her and asks "Is that yer kid?"
"No! I'm breast feeding all the kids on the airplane. Ya got one that needs some suckling?" she responded.
That hit me as being funny, and never forgot it. Which brings me back to my tall tale all because of another dumb question. "........and I've never been so happy and healthy!" I end, my all but for the exception of her two words, soliloquy.
"Fascinating." she again replies."Oh look it looks like its your turn at the check-out!" she almost excitedly points out to hopefully move me along quicker.
I bag up all my telling tales of my unorthodox Hollywood diet and strange stool sampling saver or the fact that I might own a cat, as she starts to unload her buggy of its contents. At which,..the guy behind her ( who was for sure drunk) tapped her on the elbow and slurred an assumption that she was single by saying "I,..I,..BET yer SIngle! Are you shingle?"
Oh no, this can't be good! I'm starting to move a little faster with my bags now.
"You think I'm single!"
"That'ss what she shed" he slurred.
"Why do you think that? Is it my one stick of butter? Half a dozen eggs? Half pound of bacon? Is it my four bags of........."
"Naw it's cuse you ugly!" he interrupted.
Now I'm running out the door as it starts to get loud and the manager is called to the check-out I'd just left. That was my fun for the day.
I never use to be but now I'm more of a 'ask a stupid question get a stupid answer' kind of guy. People just say stuff to fill silence. Silence which I love! Silence is golden! (as goes the song) But so many of us need to talk, ask silly questions to start a verbal interaction. They make an assumption from what they see or hear about you in public and start up a conversation thinking they know you.
What! Maybe all the cat stuff was for my dear deceased aunts cat that I had to take in during this very troubled time. Nobody looks down in a cart filled with Meow Mix and kitty litter and asks if your dear aunt died. Why don't they assume that?
The late actor Jimmy Stewart told of a story how he was once had stopped at a corner with a man out walking a dog. He asked the man if his dog bites. Oh no said the man, gentle as a lamb. Jimmy reached down to pet the dog at it about took his arm off. 'I thought you said your dog didn't bite!' he hollered at the man while pinned to the ground. 'I did' he said 'that's not my dog.'
He should of just kept quiet rather than assuming that was that mans dog.
I say if you're going to ask a question to someone you don't know, make sure you know the answer before you ask. Just like the drunk, two shoppers behind me. Oh, and be prepared. You might be surprised the answer you get. Cause in his case with the help of a Coach purse...truth hurts!

Bob Niles