How Cold Is It?

How Cold Is It?

I've concluded my extensive scientific survey on how people are dealing with, or what they've experienced during this cold snap. When asked 'How cold is it?' I have found people to be very resourceful, observant and inventive in their pursuit of internal warmth.
The following are my observations.

It's So Cold.....

Religious leaders are worried. Congregation feels some things said about Hell are not really that bad.
Hitchhikers are holding up picture of thumb.
A flasher ran up to old Mrs Ferguson and described himself.
City Halls approval rating has spiked! From52% to 85% once the wind chill is factored in.
Teddy bears are being shoved from beds in favor of electric appliances.
Kids are playing outside only as far as electric cord will go.
I'm wearing so many clothes that when I slipped on the ice and fell over I had to wait for someone to roll me back home.
I eat all the wrong foods with the hope of heartburn.
I'm kissing people with the flu virus with the hope of coming down with a fever.
My grand kids thought I grew a goatee. Turned out to be frozen drool.
Groping on city busses is now accepted as long as your wearing woolly mitts.
Bedbugs promise not to bite as long as you let them cuddle in your jammies
Smokey the Bear grabbed a box of matches and ran into the forest.
Silly Putty turned serious!
P Diddy while visiting our fair city changed his name to Frozen P.
It's no longer the finger...I got the mitt while driving.
I went to shower....I got hail.
Firemen can't get to burning buildings. It seems crowds want to hang around someplace warm.
I won't drive my grand kids to school any more. I've decided they don't need an education.
I don't use my seatbelt in the car anymore. Who needs a belt when you're frozen to the seat!
I've found sitting on a smoldering compost heap is not that bad.
All the ornaments I've hung on the Christmas Tree have all crowed around the top to get warm from the glow off he star!
It's been so cold even Rob Ford's not blowing hot air!

Bob Niles